“I was just minding my own business buying my usual cigarettes and steak when I saw this magazine saying that I could lose hundreds of pounds in weeks, and it was suggested by doctors. So I said ‘ah what the hell, I’m gonna die anyway’ so I bought it” – Wilbilly Katfer, 43. Murdog is proud to report this inspirational story of a man that went from 340lbs to 220lbs in about 1 week. The magazine had a new diet that experts called “WOW”. The diet consists of eating two packs of cranberries a day along with drinking lots of water. No exercise needed. The diet is suggested by the Kardashians as they have become a sponsor. We at Murdog looked up the source of the diet and it comes from Dr. Jimbly of Nigeria who has apparently served for more than 3 years personally to some Nigerian Prince. Anyways Murdog wishes Wilbilly the best on this new diet venture.
 
UPDATE: Wilbilly gained about 200lbs after stopping the diet for one day. The diet has also lost all credibility after a doctor said “What the fuck? Who the hell is coming up with this crap? Mate I’m surprised you ain’t dead”. Update on the Kardashians: they’re still rich and famous. They have invested in a new innovative diet called: the Giraffe. Apparently they say if you eat like a giraffe you will be just as fit as one. The diet requires you plant wild African trees in your backyard of which you eat about 75lbs of leafs and branches a day. They’re expected to talk about it on the Jimmy Kimmel Show.